Peace Time
by Wired Speed
Summary: The forays into the T.V. world has changed Yu. Its become a struggle for him to adjust from the fight to living. He has lost his drive, his spark. Marie doesn't want to see such a wonderful man fall. Can she save him?
1. Prologue

Quick heads' up the fic ignores the golden epilogue and all spin offs, also a bit bleak but hopefully not pretentiously so

Chapter 1: Prologue

Yu Narukami sits at the end of the hotel bed. He's restless, can't bring himself to sleep when the dream is over. Lately he's repeated words in his head that a former friend once accused. That there was no justice, just the selfish posturing for adventure. The hero just wants to escape the uncaring world. Villainy and heroism was just people looking for something to do.

Yu tightens his fist, wishing for a sword. Something for his thumb to rub across. To know that it was real in these dark moments where it doesn't. That at one time he was important, that he was chosen for something more. Now he feels just empty, frighteningly understanding more and more the criminals he helped put away.

Yu Narukami is losing it.

[]

Two years. Two tears of longing, of completing one's purpose, of subsisting but not living. Yu Narukami had solved the mystery, he had stopped the fog and the machinations of higher powers and came out proud at what he's done. He left Inaba a hero, a friend to the whole town and savior of the world. Now here he is on the same train two years later, more broken then when he first arrived.

Yu looks out the window of the train, at the countryside passing by. Making pathetic attempts at a plan of what to do when he arrives at Inaba. Something the teachers, guidance counselor and his parents wished he did more of. But it was difficult for Yu to pick a college, a career or put effort into studies when he saw no point in it. Fighting a goddess to decide man's will makes mundane adult life seem like such a bitter after climax. When he moved to another town he tried to keep his spirits up. He tried to study, to make friends but it felt so fake. He felt like he was missing something.

Yu thought it might've been the action so he tried out some clubs. He tried out for Kendo, but he couldn't deal with how it contrasted from the grittier life-and-death brawls of the T.V. world. Boxing worked out better. There were things to learn, no prior knowledge to invalidate the lessons being imparted. Yu thought he might've found something to fill the hole in his life. Til in the heat of the moment he near turned an opponent's face into hamburger.

Yu dropped physical competition then, realizing he was chasing for a substitute that couldn't match the real thing. Sparring with others when he was a seasoned veteran just wasn't fair to them. But what use is a soldier in peace time? What's Yu supposed to do now?

Fighting makes him feel a bit better but its not as if he could become a mercenary. Yu doesn't want to kill, he just wants to feel alive. Vigilantism is unrealistic so what else is there? Ask Naoto for a job? Chasing down serial killers would just be a pathetic attempt to relive the past.

Yu shakes his head to get rid of the thoughts and rubs a hand through his hair. He pulls his cellphone out of his jacket pocket to stop thinking about poor career prospects and instead look at the numbers he hasn't texted in months. He's gonna reach Inaba in ten minutes and yet none of his friends know about it. He slowly felt more estranged from them. Distancing himself from perhaps the only people that could relate to him. He didn't return to Inaba to catch up with old friends. His coming to Inaba was just a spur of the moment decision. He told his parents some story of going with some friends to the beach but instead came here. Just trying to see if he could find something here. And If not then Yu feels that all thats left is to go into the other world, walking as far as he could until he was sure the investigation team couldn't find him and just laying down in the meadow. Offing himself by just waiting for the shadows to descend and do it for him. His mangled body over the telephone wires. His corpse the same as that brisk spring day when he found what living really was.

If there were no shadows willing to kill? If they were all tamed then all the better. The town and friends that gave him life wouldn't have to see the blankness of death in his eyes. Yu doesn't want them to see the blankness of his current eyes now. Instead he would just lay on that grass and sleep. Sleeping until he never woke up. The dream of adventure was done, it was time for sleep. Letting unconscious wrap around him, letting the flowers of the collective unconscious be his tomb.

Yu Narukami needs help.


	2. Failure

Yu is standing in a gas station bathroom. He stares at his reflection and examines how haggard he looks. His hair disheveled, his jacket wrinkled as though he's slept in it for days, his chin is even sporting a stubble, the grays hairs making him look as old as he feels. He doubts if any of the investigation team saw him that they'd recognize him. His stance and aura clashing too hard with the unflappable leader they must picture in their minds.

Regardless he puts on a weathered black baseball cap to shade his face. Yu then leans forward, hands gripping the sink as he stares into the reflection of his eyes. Having had enough of his fill, for what may be the last time, he walks away. Exiting the bathroom, he then leaves the station. He walks a couple paces out and turns to his left, willing for the velvet room door to appear. When it doesn't, he turns around and walks down the sidewalk before taking another left and tries to take in the view of Inaba.

'Its... nice.'

The town boasts the life it holds. Stores seem proud and unworrying of foreclosure the haunted them years ago. Citizens walk the streets enjoying the day. The sun is shining, the few clouds drifting about provide welcome shade. Inaba is welcoming. Inaba is pleasant. Inaba went on just fine without his help.

He was left behind.

Yu looks down and keeps walking, trying to rationalize.

/Its been years/

/This is what we helped protect/

/The world doesn't revolve around me/

His now clenched fist is digging deep enough to near draw blood.

'Why doesn't it. I'M the one who helped their problems. I'M the one who saved them from the fog. I'M the one whose commanded gods.'

Earlier the year when he's had such thoughts he frightened himself. Frightened that his mind came up with something that sounded as if he never learned a thing from seeing Adachi wail about life. Now the feelings have built up and are bursting through his veins.

'I... I was chosen. You gave me a purpose. You string me along an adventure with death around every corner and now... Now that I've won your game, you throw me away.'

Yu is now laying on the sidewalk, leaning against a wall, trying to get ahold of himself. When he thinks like this he gets scared of what the T.V. may really do when he goes in. About the shadow he never fought or accepted. What is it like now? Or would he find a reflection and see the gold eyes there. That they've always been there.

"S-Someone help... Someone help me..."

A steak skewer pops right in in front of him.

"All you had to do was ask, blockhead."

[]

When Marie didn't get a response from her messages to Yu for the past few months, she was worried. When she sensed him on the train coming in unannounced she felt overjoyed. And when she saw him collapse in the shopping district she didn't know what to feel.

"M-Marie?"

She prods him a few times with the meat skewer until he eventually grabs it.

"If you needed help your friends would've come."

Yu quickly gets back up, as if trying to cover his shameful display and unbeknownst to Marie, push away the petulant thoughts.

"I-I didn't want to be a bother."

"So you chose to be a loner instead?"

"I'm not a loner... I have other friends. My life doesn't just revolve around Inaba."

Marie glares at him before frowning. "Thats no excuse. Our bonds are strong aren't they?"

"H-Hey I'm here now aren't I?"

"You don't think everyone would be ablaze if we knew you were coming? ...You came here for something else." She pokes him with her steak skewer. "What was it?"

Marie didn't want to argue with him. Its been years since they last seen each other. They should've been hugging and laughing. Seeing whats changed and telling each other whats happened to them. They should've been getting the whole gang back together and just enjoying each other's company. But those thoughts are all gone when she saw him collapse. Saw him breaking down with those eyes, his frightening soul-deprived eyes.

"Yu... Whats happened to you? Who did this to you? Who hurt you to make you like this?"

Yu is clenching his teeth, frustrated his plan has failed so quickly. A brief thought shoots through his head thinking perhaps that maybe if he didn't want to get caught he'dve put more thought into his disguise then just a hat.

"This isn't the right place to talk about that. Lets talk somewhere else."

Marie frowns but nods. "Junes?"

"I... I don't want anyone to know I'm here. Lets go somewhere else. How about the river?"

Marie feels even more concerned at his stutter and downtrodden demeanor. But still agrees to his demands to find out more.

They leave the shopping district to go in the direction of the river. The distance to it feeling longer than it ever has before.


	3. Truthfully

a/n Marie's meant to be a bit blunt

Yu thought maybe on the walk over he could've come up with some excuse to give Marie. You'd think a man with as much experience in pulling the wool over his friends' eyes as he did could've come up with something. He used to like thinking he just had a gift of knowing what to say but after the adventure is over, doubt has a way of setting in.

Did that help them? Did his ulterior motive of persona growth invalidate his help? Does it even really matter anymore? Yu found it harder to warp the truth when the moment of truth passed and he now has a lifetime to think it over.

To constantly second-guess the best time of his life. To have nothing to do but think over years gone. Yu is stuck on these moments the world will never acknowledge. The adventure gone and its only true sign of existence will perhaps be an offhand mention when Igor mentors the next Fool. But where Yu stands, a memory with no proof is practically a lie.

How long until he forgets those moments?

Will Yu be around long enough to even find out?

'No one cares what the hero of the story does after the book closes. They slay the villains, kiss the dames and walk into the sunset. Maybe life really is the journey not the destination. Maybe when you get there, there's nothing there. Heroes only leave into the horizon, something that doesn't-'

Marie snaps her fingers to wake him from his moping.

"Hey don't do this to me. I need you to stay here and not stay quiet in that head of yours. You seem so... sad when you're like that."

"I've always been quiet."

Marie looks down at her boots. "But never this... Empty."

'I am empty'

Yu shakes his head to get rid of the runaway thought before he sees Marie looking him dead on the eye.

"Don't just think and ignore me, talk to me."

Yu faces away from her and looks on down the sidewalk. He feels there's little of him to discuss. He was a blank state until his adventure defined him, that there's nothing to say about himself. As such he falls back in old habits.

"What have you been up to since I've been gone?"

Marie frowns a bit, unpleased with his answer before responding.

"Well... I've been working more on that novel that I told you about last time I called you..." She mumbles out a 'that was a while ago though' before continuing. "I kinda hit a bit of a wall though."

"How so?"

She waves her hand off. "Its just boring character and plot stuff. What about you?"

He hoped that she would keep going. Like how it was back the first time around, listening and forming these connections that he's without now.

"There's not much to say."

"Two years and you don't have /anything/ to say about yourself? Or what's happened?"

He scratches the back of his neck, uncomfortable with how the conversation has been going.

'Is this what its like on the other side of the social link? Except... theres not much more. No depth, just me.'

Yu's grasped the truth of the mystery of Inaba's murderer. But when will he do the same for himself?

There was an uncomfortable silence that persisted until the two reached their destination.

][

Having reached the riverside Yu just sighed and plopped down and stared at the river. Marie following suit.

"Will you tell me now?"

"About what?" Another pathetic dodge by Yu. Another scramble to avoid the truth. Another time he feels too similar to Adachi.

Marie frowns and Yu tries to put two and two together.

'She trying not to yell at me. She's not speaking the first thing that comes to mind. Did... Did you change too? ...But why did I ever expect things to not change. The world's not made to serve me... I'm not a Fool anymore.'

"Yu please, i'm scared."

Yu's eyes widen. Marie is currently laying her chin on her knees, gazing at the river.

"It... It was hard for me to be in the velvet room. Neither Igor or Margaret could really help, they're supposed to guide people not give out the answer. But when you showed up things were different. You introduced me to the world and helped me. It didn't matter how harsh I was you still tried to help. And now you're struggling. Will you let me repay the favor?"

Marie has now faced him again and Yu feels awful looking at her. Believing that she can't help, that its too late. He's just a weapon, except even a weapon can be melted down and made into something else. There's nothing left for him.

"I'm ...lost."

"Lost?"

"I don't have anywhere left to go. I don't have a goal, I don't have a purpose. I-I... I feel abandoned."

"By who?"

"..."

"Yu, don't believe that. You have people who can help."

"I don't know if they can Marie."

"Then who do you think can help?"

"I don't think anyone can."

Marie bites her lip. "Did something happen? What made you feel this way?"

Yu doesn't feel ready to answer and stays silent.

"Well when did you feel this way?"

"Maybe a couple months into my final year. Marie... I'm grateful for your help I really am."

"But?"

"But I think I need to handle this on my own."

"Yu, you have been on your own. Not just ignoring us at Inaba, i'm sure you haven't talked to a real friend in a while."

Yu forces a pained smile. "That stings Marie."

"I'm not trying to joke around Yu. You need someone to help you."

Yu grips a fistful of grass with the hand on the opposite side of Marie. He rips it out of the ground and lets it drop.

"Marie i'm tired. We're not gonna solve my problems all in one day so lets just." Yu slouches a bit more, feeling all the more exhausted. "Lets just... Put that aside for now."

Marie puts her hand over Yu's other hand in an attempt to comfort him.

"Okay Yu."

The two stayed there at the river bed for a while longer. Both not knowing what to stay nor what to do.


	4. Uncertainty

Yu cracks open his soda can, then takes a deep sip. The cold carbonation popping and irritating his tongue. He puts it down and looks around Marie's apartment, collections of art hangings all over that go over his head in their meaning. Although he admires the stylish furnishings he sees around.

"How'd you even afford all this?"

"I have my ways." Maries says from the kitchen, a shrug evident in her voice.

Yu smiles lightly. "Am I gonna have to worry about Dojima kicking the door down and arresting us."

Marie returns with a colorful drink in hand. She takes a seat next to Yu on the couch.

"Eh I'm not worried you could probably take him."

Yu gets a weird feeling in the pit of his chest from hearing that. He picks up his can again and rattles it a bit.

"I don't know about that."

Marie reaches over to the coffee table, picking up her blue purse and taking out a notebook and pen. Yu feels unease at it.

"I thought we were gonna drop it today."

"I'm fine with that. I just wanted to give this to you. I figured maybe writing some stuff down will help clear your thoughts a bit. You were always a bit quiet so maybe you just need to let some stuff out."

'I'd rather not let anyone see that. I'd rather just... take them to the grave.'

Thoughts of the grave reminds Yu of something that's come up a few times after the investigation and even a couple times during it.

"Marie, where do you think we go when we die?"

Marie grips onto the notebook tightly. "Why do you ask?"

Yu feels stupid but he has to press on. "I had all these persona that weren't real, they were just pieces from myself. Things like Angel or Thor aren't real, but Izanami was. Izanami really did try to kill me. So I was thinking where would I have gone."

'It would've been a hero's death.'

Marie bites her bottom lip. She may have mellowed out in the last years but she is still an open book to Yu. He can see how uncomfortable she is with this discussion but he doesn't know if he can really stop. The faucet's on and all the sludge is pouring out.

"Well... what happened when you were sent t-to Yomi."

Yu takes a brief sip. He looks ahead at the moderately sized T.V. Marie owns. How it'd be a struggle for him to fit through since Junes' might not be available. He wonders if Yosuke and Teddie are there right now before he shakes the thought off and responds.

"I was in this white... expanse? I was just laying down until my links woke me."

"How was it?"

"I don't know. I don't know if I even existed until my social links woke me up. Although perhaps that was part of Izanami's attack." He tacks the last part at the end to help soothe Marie. The idea of death being as sudden and unextravagant as that bothers Yu as well.

'Perhaps I could get reincarnated in a few cycles or something. Its the least the world can do.'

Yu takes another sip. Hoping the bubbles will drown out the thought of entitlement. It doesn't help much however. Not much Yu's done in the past few years has either.

Yu knows he has to shift away from this talk and asks something he should've near the start.

"How is everyone?"

Marie's grips on the notebook lessens. "Well... Teddie and Yosuke are still at Junes. Though Yosuke's planning to go to university in the fall I hear. Kanji works at his textile shop, his dolls are still pretty popular, I even have some from him- not that I asked he j-just offered and I didn't want to be rude."

Yu smiles slightly at Marie's attempt at covering up. "That's nice. I'm glad he was able make a career if his talents. What about the others?"

"Chie's training in some police academy although she comes by to visit from time to time. Yukiko's assisant manager to the Inn I think? She always so busy its hard for us to meetup, though me, her and Chie still hang out sometimes. I haven't heard much from the others. Their jobs must have them busy all the time. Nanako has grown since you last saw her. I think she's going to middle school soon."

Marie bites her lip. "Dojima still keeps your room for you. I guess he's been preparing for your visit."

"That's... nice. Its too bad I've been busy."

"Doing what Yu?"

Yu drums his fingers on the armrest. Feeling an urge in the pit of his stomach to lash out but he can't. Its been a while since Yu's worked up the passion to yell at his fate.

"To have something to say when I got back I guess.

][

It was raining that night. Marie was concerned for him to leave when it was down pouring that harsh and asked him to crash on her couch. She felt bad to have to ask him to sleep there but Yu didn't mind. He thought it'd br nice for him to just be near shouting distance of someone tonight. Except there was more pressing matters.

Yu is staring at the T.V. Waiting for the time to come. He puts his hand up to the screen. Willing himself to be able to push forward just the slightest bit. He doesn't care if he falls and ends up lost in there he just needs to know. Besides he'll catch himself if anything happens. However the screen does not bend.


	5. Break

/whiff\ /inhale\

Marie raises herself up from bed. Having been awoken by the scent. She leaves her room, still in her pajamas, and goes down the hall and then a left and takes a look into kitchen.

"Yu what are you doing?"

Yu turns from the stove. His unsightly stubble gone and a smile on his face.

"Sorry, I was so thankful for your help that I wanted to reward you with breakfast. I hope you don't mind."

"Uh its not a problem."

Yu turns back to flip some bacon, and Marie looks around him. She sees a plate of pancakes beside him and a glass of orange juice. She then turns to the left and looks into the garbage bin, seeing the peels of several oranges. She looks back at Yu, gazing at his back for a few moments.

Marie motions to take a few steps forward before stopping herself. She extends her right hand and allows a crinkle of lightning to run across her fingertips, then putting her hand on her shoulder. She shivers from the mild shock, blinking a few times from the pain before walking to Yu's side.

"Did the rain stop you from getting some sleep?"

Yu lays the spatula down. Then putting his hand on his shoulder and rolls it for a few cycles.

"Oh its fine, I've had a few too many lazy afternoons recently. Its nice to wake up early for a change."

"Well... Thats nice."

Marie leans against the sink. Looking at Yu as he's the only point of interest, her mind fried.

'You don't collapse on the street mumbling for help and wake up cheery the next morning. What's your game here?'

"Wow. Its kinda surreal seeing you without your hat."

Marie blinks, flashing back to reality and sees Yu, smirking at her. She shoves him weakly, her fingers briefly across his chest. Then walking past him and taking a seat at the table.

"Nice try."

She snaps her fingers in the air. Her eyes closed and her nose turned up.

"Now hurry up servant!"

Yu does a deep bow. "As you wish."

][

|"How long are you planning on stay here."

"Hm maybe two weeks. Heck I might even decide to move here anyway. I have so many memories here it'd be a shame not to stay."

"So when would you decide to tell everyone you're here?"

"...I guess in a week or so. I still want to think some things over. Besides its kinda nice to chat one on one with you."

"/snort/ Your not as good as charming people as you think."

"Perhaps, I never really knew how to, it just sorta happened."

"Pfft! Oh c'mon."

"No its true."

"Please. You had so many girls after you. All of those were just accidents?"

"...Honestly yes. I was just trying to be a good friend and just kinda stumbled into it."

"Hm. If thats true then you're not as bad a pervert as I used to think you were. Say, does that mean there was no one you ever cared for? -In that way I mean."

"... I don't know. I never was good with romance. I wouldn't know where to start."

"Well whoever you do end up with has gotta be pretty lucky to catch you."|

Its currently 11:35 p.m. Yu is on Marie's couch, relaying the conversation in his mind. He turns to his side, pulling his blanket up and go to sleep. His back to the T.V.


End file.
